I decided to start this blog not because I feel I am an
expert on pornography addiction or recovery.
Rather, I am one who deeply understands the personal dynamics of this
problem and the challenges it presents to men in the LDS church. I have discovered through the last 15 years
that I have struggled with pornography and masturbation that it is not an easy
journey. I still am waiting to “beat it”,
whatever that means. It has affected my marriage and worry about the
effect it will have on my young son. I have not held a temple recommend in over
two years, and deeply miss the blessings of the temple. I want to feel worthy to use my priesthood to
bless my family and others. But in order
for me to feel those ways, I have a journey to take. My journey in some ways
starts with this blog.
This blog is simply meant to express my ideas, thoughts, and
experiences. I really don’t know if
anyone will read it (if you are, thank you).
I consider this my own recovery journal with the hope that maybe someone
will find something that will help them on their own path. I hope it will at a minimum give fellow
priesthood holders the knowledge that this is a problem across the church and
that others are fighting this same fight.
The idea for this blog came to me tonight after having a
night with some fellow brethren in my ward.
We were just hanging out and this topic came up. I took the risk and shared my struggle with
it, and found out another brother was struggling as well. He said he felt he was the only one in ward
with this problem and had felt alone. He
said just knowing there were others helped him to feel better. I hope that just like him, others find peace
in knowing this is a common fight. Also,
just because one struggles with this problem does not mean they are a bad
husband, father, priesthood holder or son of God. I just hope that through the next few months I
will be able to find that true peace that only the Gospel can bring. It is something I want, and something I
need.
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as
the world giveth, give I unto you. Let
not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27
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